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So every summer my family travels the great state of Washington to visit moms side of the family. And this year is no different. We usually take two flights to get there. One out of Milwaukee to Minneapolis, then another much longer flight to Portland Oregon. So. Much. Plane time!!! It gets boring.
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It’s funny how everyone’s rushing, to be early if not on time, to arrive at their airport gate. When you get there, it always takes like half an hour or more to board the stupid plane anyway. So then what now? It’s obviously not fun to stand up for said half hour, so you’re going to want to seat yourself right?

However…

Can I just take a moment to comment on the airport chairs? They are quite uncomfortable. It’s like the people said, “Well, these pass angers are already waiting a while for a flight that’s not going to come in on time, and have to spend hours in weird plane chairs anyhow. Let’s put them in even MORE uncomfortable chairs. That way it’ll seem like the chairs on the plane are actually comfortable!” Lies. I’m telling you!

When on a plane, you always have to have a carry on bag with you. Why? To put fun things to occupy yourself in. And you can’t forget the food. Always a good idea to cram as many snacks in your bag as possible. This way, no starving will occur during your trip. And there’s another plus. You don’t have to buy airport food. Airport food is pretty much a scam. They charge probably up to twice, if not more, the amount that food actually costs in a regular store. This morning, I forgot to pack a water bottle so I needed to buy one. Dad went up with me to buy stuff. We got a water bottle, a small bottle of Naked juice, and a small sub. Total? Over FIFTEEN FREAKING BUCKS. I was flipping out because my dad insisted on paying for it even when I had full intention too.

When you’re all settled into your seat, more often than not, you’ll. have to get up to stand in the cramped, foot wide, aisle because some random person just happens to be in the seat on the other side of you. Perfect -.- NOW. Depending on the size of your flight, seats are usually 3 seats or so across. The worst seat to have is the middle because then you’re stuck between two people you don’t even know, and they probably smell. Or are really obnoxious. For the remaining two seats, they each have their pros and cons. For the aisle seat, this one is great because you can usually get away with stretching your feet out a little more. You’re also nearer to the drink and snack cart as it comes down the aisle. So you get your good first. When the flight ends, you’ll also be first of the other people in your row to make it out of the plane. (Or if there’s a plane accident, you’ll probably survive). The bad thing about this seat is that you have no window access. Sure you can look out the window all you want, but you never really get that full view of the clouds…. Or lighting that you want. One of the perks of being a window seater, is full control of the window shade. Tired? Just pull down that shade. Awake and alert and feel like looking at the pretty world beneath? Slide that shade up baby!! Want a nice sexy mood lighting? Crank it to halfway and put in your earbuds. Want to annoy the people in your row trying to sleep? Just fiddle with the shade the whole plane ride but pulling it up and pushing it back down every couple minutes! Voila! (This has been Airplane Window Etiquette 101 with Millie)

You can always tell if people haven’t ever ridden a plane before. For me I’m so used to it that it’s like a second nature. But for those newbies, it’s one heck of a ride. To pick out plane newbies, just open your ears and eyes. They will usually shout random noises like “Whoahhhhohoho!”
“OMGOMGOMGOMG…”
And even “aslfjdhhsleovucnvjsh!!!!”
You can often spot them gripping the armrests, sinking into their seat, invading your personal space, rocking in the fetal position as well as their stupid seat belts will allow, or in the bathroom. Well, you can only assume they’re in the bathroom when there’s an empty chair by you.

For those of you who haven’t ridden one before, I wish I could fully explain how it FEELS to be riding in a plane… But I’ll try my best.

When taxiing down the runway, it feels like you’re in the USS Enterprise about to warp speed. Or in the Dalorian about to travel Back to the Future. (See what I did there?) and then, you slowly lift up. One second you’ll be on the ground and the next thing you know, your head is pressed against the headrest and you’re traveling 45 degrees upward. And that feels like… You know when you get really nervous just as you’re about to give a speech or perform or something and you get butterflies in your stomach? It’s like that except not with butterflies. It’s with birds, but not horrible. And at the end of the flight when you begin your descent it’s the same but more present and noticeable.

When in the air they do everything they can to make you comfortable. Except if you’re not in first class. Oh well. At least you get peanuts and free soda. It’s weird because when they come around with the snack cart, they always come when you don’t want anything. And when you do need something they’re never there. Don’t ask for ice in your drink unless you want 75%of your little cup to be ice, and 20% to be drink, and the last 5% to be nothing but air Oh and here’s a hint, never buy the wifi. You can last till you land. Trust me. It’s not worth 5 dollars an hour!!!

In the plane, you may think you’ll be able to take a nice comfy nap. WRONG. At most you’ll get a nap. Not the other stuff. It’s common to wake up with a huge crick in your neck. Yay for hard plastic. X(

Anyway. I think I’ve said all I can about planes. If you’ve got any more stories or tips, comment below ^.^ happy flying! (Or not….)

One thought on “The Plane Truth

  1. I love the feeling when the plane just barely leaves the ground it’s so awesome and the acceleration as you’re getting up to the speed where the pilot will rotate holy cow it’s so amazing

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